"We live in illusion and the appearance of things. There is a reality. We are that reality. When you understand this, you see that you are nothing, and being nothing, you are everything. That is all."
I feel this. I have been thinking lately, no more than usual, but differently. Trying to articulate the reality I’ve so sheepishly slid into lately is like trying to describe color to a blind person. The lens through which I see the world around me, and the cognitive processes that confuse and contort all information and make it mean something, have changed. I am taking in the world with a deep, all encompassing inhale, letting it move throughout my being. Exhaling with ease because I know all this is a manifestation of my mind-- My mind has been really good at playing tricks on me, inviting a guilty conscience, convinced you are all out to get me. I see new colors.
Wise ones know that what you once pined for so desperately will lose its magnificence the second it becomes yours. I thought it was all I wanted. I did want it. I did need it. Why it feels so comfortable before it ever felt scary is perplexing me. I am upside-down, not quite right-side-out. Or maybe everything is right. I feel calm.. worry is a wasteful vice that I discard each night when I close my eyes. Fear is a state-- completely useless and hindering at best. Positivity is starting to feel worn in and comfortable to put on daily. It used to feel like wearing a heavy box as a mini dress and trying to dance. I watched others maneuvering so swiftly. I looked at myself. I shrugged.
--- "Let us toast to animal pleasures, to escapism, to rain on the roof and instant coffee, to unemployment insurance and library cards, to absinthe and good-hearted landlords, to music and warm bodies and contraceptives... and to the ‘good life,’ whatever it is and wherever it happens to be." ~Hunter S. Thompson ---
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