female hysteria

It's true: 'Female Hysteria' was once a classifiable medical condition. It's roots go way back to the time of Plato who first introduced the idea that a woman's uterus travels throughout her body as if it were a living creature. The Greek word for uterus is hysteria; So I guess this explains explains the usage of the word today. Women who suffered from such uncontrollable hysteria would regularly undergo pelvic massages for their treatment. These 'massages' were performed by a physician who worked diligently to stimulate the woman until she reached "hysterical paroxysm" A.K.A..orgasm!

It was believed to be a disease that was caused by sexual deprivation and particularly passionate women were often affected.. whatever that means. It was also commonly associated with virgins, nuns and widows. The chaise lounge (you know, that fancy chair thing) was originally known as the fainting couch and was invented to soften the fall the crazies as they reached hysterical paroxysm.

Physicians and in later years, midwives became burdened with the amount of treatment needed by all these hysteric women and in 1873 the first electro-mechanic vibrator was used at an asylum in France for the treatment of hysteria.

and the rest is history.. 

sounds

what i've been playing lately

supakitch & koralie do sick art

this should lighten your day

What if we all felt the rush that comes from alleviating our fears and twisted perceptions, experience talking with an openness and listening with one too? What if we didn't pretend that everything bubbling underneath the surface of each and every person wasn't there? For every word that is said each day there are a multitude of words that couldn't make it past lips and are left to boil in the confines of every guarded mind. Don't forget you don't know anyone and that everything that's ever been said is untrue. It can't be true because it only exists inside of me or you.

Solipsism

Solipsism:
Is the philosophical idea that only one's own mind is sure to exist; it's a position that knowledge of anything outside one's own specific mind is unjustified. The term comes from Latin solus (alone) and ipse (self)....

first day of august

It's the first day of August. I feel solid in my shoes. Everyday I fall deeper into this groove. 

In the port I await with fellow passengers of this life as we sandwich into a canister and take flight, and in an hour or two we'll collectively descend and I'll collect myself before I wreck myself in the torching city of sin. 

Both my hands have other halves that hold them with all the strength left of a body that hangs like a corpse after being wrung out and set free. 

My exposed skeleton blows in the wind and I cry when I can't hold it all in. Weak construction constructed these levees. My vision is cloudy when I force my eye's direction for my goals have a soul but can't hold up to your standards. Seems you've got a hold on the manual.

My self seeks permission to soar into the sky, bed hop on clouds and cry into rainbow tinted raindrops falling down hard. I would rather make my own rules even if I shrink into obscurity and am cast straight out of this world. It wouldn't be the worst thing to flee constricting compounds that stifle me and frighten me. 

I feel. And I always will. I love the woman I owe my existence to. My heart is her's in reflection. She designed me to be receptive to energy, equipped with tools to sift through mounds of human debris looking for specks of light. More lights on this strip than any other street and tonight they beam brightly and I see.

civilization

we all reside in self-inflicted purgatories

guided by the light coming from the fire we set

a flame

walking, rather tip toeing carefully

along a tight rope we strung tightly

eyes focused along a narrowing path

missing the grandeur and openness surrounding us

we are self-regulated rule followers reprimanded for revolting against our own rigid regulations

failures in our own eyes

inadequate visions of our own ideals

we pale in comparison when we choose to compare

unhealthy obsessions we are obsessed with

strive to suffer

self-sabotaging reigns

pay dues to those who do us wrong

we traverse through rapid waters because our feet seek sun kissed sand

hide out in caves for many days and curse the darkened scene

like pumping gas into a tank

we fill ourselves with goals

and once fulfilled    

     we     must      be     filled

a constant      draining    tank

drones of shells moving on by

flashing warns we're nearly empty

grabbing, consuming

a blind rage to obtain

we are civilization

we invented this game

this is going to be a saga for sure

I love when we dance in the street
my heart skips
like the legs of a child
moving to the beat
Our hands grip
the sharp edge of your hip bumping into mine
as I twirl down the bridge over the river
it cascades

Your soul pours out your lips
and i catch every last drip
I'd drink it all if i could
your trials and toils, re imagined for projection
behind the scenes
seams glued together
reels and reels reveal how those gray hairs
burst out your brain

Let me sew you together and entangle myself
the sweetest scent
the air trapped in between me and you
it was the gods of wires and waves
a couple too perfect for mortals to concieve
concieve
of a love genuine in intention
diligent attention paid
a lover so expressive every muscle moving with the melody inside me

I see the sun in your smile and the sky in your arms
body so heavy
descending onto me with the weight of the world
brick by brick i will lift
take whatever i can
my load is lighter now
is yours?

Lying square and still i dissect your bits
what makes you tick
touch wounds as sore as they were on that day
i say
i want to know you
dive right into the pool as it swirls throughout
in your dreams i want to be
through your eyes i want to see

george carlin: the brilliant, cyncial and analytical genius

Love how he picks apart the nuances of our society, always pointing out how self-important we all are and delivering us a dose of healthy perspective. And his rants are hilarious...

and don't you forget your heart beats 900 times each and every day

a city situated in the corner of all things

bliss

we are all liars of the most magnificent kind

The only real thing is the matter in the mind

It matters much, as much as you make it matter

All this matter permeated through your eyes

Swallow all you see and project reality back at me

Brains can’t differentiate between imagined worlds

And those that happen every day in the outside, cold

Serving one’s self is our cardinal rule

We’ll trick ourselves 

We deceive,                     to believe that it is real

To be real is to be the essence of all things

Purposes found and destinies fulfilled

In the randomness of our consciousnesses

One should never claim so sure…

Desires conspire to hijack plans

Importance holds true for now and never more

Memories past, clash with the present’s gifts

Can’t wait to unwrap 

Forgotten

               My mind state

                                       Before now

I can’t. I won’t and why should i

Drones of identical souls without goals 

They bear arms, armed with ammunition, aimed at my heart 

Perfected a target so easily, so carelessly

I don’t understand why and why should i

A girl with love to give, more than all the water in the sea

An intention, genuine

Always dismissed, shit

They say, or do they, why would they

I want what i have to give, nobody wants it but me

Cuddling in my own arms, my sinking sweet aroma

I don’t even want to share, you don’t care

Malicious as intent may be or not be

Feels like a million targets stuck all over me

i wear

"We live in illusion and the appearance of things. There is a reality. We are that reality. When you understand this, you see that you are nothing, and being nothing, you are everything. That is all."

I feel this. I have been thinking lately, no more than usual, but differently. Trying to articulate the reality I’ve so sheepishly slid into lately is like trying to describe color to a blind person. The lens through which I see the world around me, and the cognitive processes that confuse and contort all information and make it mean something, have changed. I am taking in the world with a deep, all encompassing inhale, letting it move throughout my being. Exhaling with ease because I know all this is a manifestation of my mind--  My mind has been really good at playing tricks on me, inviting a guilty conscience, convinced you are all out to get me. I see new colors.

Wise ones know that what you once pined for so desperately will lose its magnificence the second it becomes yours. I thought it was all I wanted. I did want it. I did need it. Why it feels so comfortable before it ever felt scary is perplexing me. I am upside-down, not quite right-side-out. Or maybe everything is right. I feel calm.. worry is a wasteful vice that I discard each night when I close my eyes. Fear is a state-- completely useless and hindering at best. Positivity is starting to feel worn in and comfortable to put on daily. It used to feel like wearing a heavy box as a mini dress and trying to dance. I watched others maneuvering so swiftly. I looked at myself. I shrugged.

dreaming of a life that lets you dream

In the absence of dreams i sleep heavy and sound-
Bleak states of blank thought swirl all around-
Seems that my third eye tripped up, forgot how to see-
The two looking forward hold no answers for me-
You see i'm one of those types always trying to understand-
But the puzzle is too puzzling to assemble with my hands-
I shut my eyes and want to rocket to the moon-
Talk to my creators, ask them what to do-
All eternally perfect beings busy masquerading as fools-
Shed your ego and breath in love, we are all one-
Chasing dragons as we run under the same sun-


Last night i slept so hard i couldn't feel myself-
Closest i can come to coming close to death-
Not another day of this lifeless routine-
A brain under-stimulated forgot how to dream-


I know what i love most, not many of us can say-
For me it's that completely sane moment where i know everything's okay-
Maybe if we all knew this feeling we'd be walking with less wounds-
And less shame for how we slave to prove we're better than you-
Crowds gather daily to drink the cool aid-
It goes straight to the heart, pumping out hate-
Life stresses out your sanity, ties your knowledge up in knots-
Forces you to disregard your organically grown thoughts-

I am not yet infected from that shot that they all got-

the boy in my life says to me..

I'm perfect!
Imperfect, as much as any man is
And make mistakes
as much as any man can
Evolve a way away from any other man
And...
Miss my misses, her hands
Her hair, strands stranded, swell
Her smell, and her kisses
A milli, A milli
A million miles away
In this land of a million malls
I hate the mall
I hate them all
I see her smile in the shades of the sunset
a struggle to sleep
if only to dream
counting on mackenzie instead of sheep

to not hiding inside my head any longer.
i will write.